3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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