tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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