I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
