Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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