he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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