do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
