anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
of course. lets lasso hookers.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
