This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
