We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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