im having a threesome with these popsicles
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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