Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
