I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
