a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
