Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
