Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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