What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
