I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
