that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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