well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
