you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
