you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
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