are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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