I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
no. you can't hotbox the world.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
