Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
