tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
