true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
