Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
