To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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