Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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