Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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