Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
