All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
