WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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