he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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