my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
