Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
