the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
