So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
