Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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