I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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