Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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