we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
