I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
