I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
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My thoughts exactly.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
