tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
