Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
