During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
