please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
