Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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