ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
