Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
